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thought i was a donut, ya tried to glaze me

11.27.2007

another year in the bag...

This being my third Birthday post, you'd think I'd be all preached out. I remember feeling this strong emotional swell as I wrote my 2005 post. Turning 20 seemed to be the right age for me to get all nostalgic and weepy eyed about growing up and older and seemingly wiser, with "seemingly" being the right word for it. Truth is, I wasn't all that sure of how things worked then, and I don't know that much more now, and although I've gotten a lot more emotional this past year (for what reason, I don't know), I'm just not feeling it now, today, on my 22nd birthday. Maybe it's the weather. It just didn't "feel" like the fall, so how was I supposed to prepare for my big day? Maybe it's my current situation, of being and old broad living at home, running out of funds. Maybe it's the presents. I'm an adult now, and when I want something that I can just go and buy it. When I was younger all the stuff I wanted had to go on My Birthday List, and I'd have to wait in anticipation to see if I'd get them. Or maybe it's just actual proof of another year older, another year...well, not wiser, but with an even colder, blackened heart.

I guess I'm not giving myself enough credit. Twenty-one was actually a remarkable year, all legal-drinking excitement aside. I started it off with wings and Bud Lights (I wanted to end it the same way, but nobody wanted to go with me to the Irish Circle), and I somehow managed to do a few classier things as the year moved on. Anyone out there ever get to live out their dream? To go someplace every day that you hoped and prayed but thought you'd never get to? In my 21st year I did. That's a huge fucking deal that now has become the catalyst for a lot of other things, the journey moving on, continuing, and for that I'm thankful. I'm thankful for the relationships I've maintained throughout my life (some that began before I was even born) and the relationships I've strengthened and developed in these past 12 months. Finding people that get it--that get you--is hard, and I have such a strong group of people like that in my life that I can fool myself into thinking that it's easy.

And maybe that's what birthdays are really for. Not the presents and the parties, but the chance to look back on the year you're blowing out on your cake and reflect on everything you've done and the people you've shared it with. The Big 2-1 was a good year. I can only hope that the Even Bigger 2-2 lives up to it.

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I wonder if my writing has even improved?