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thought i was a donut, ya tried to glaze me


I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

I heard the end of this song on the radio the other day, while driving home from Philly. Clare was sitting shotty, while Beth and Eric were sitting in the back. Turning the song down a bit I snorted and commented, "This song is so fucked up. His mom's such a whore; what if the dad woke up and saw this?"

Everybody was quiet, but I kept going.

"What a depressing Christmas song. Hey kid, why don't you witness your mom's infidelity with the guy who's bringing you presents."

Still, there was silence. Eric was the first to speak up.

"Well, the dad IS Santa Claus."

I tried turning around, but I had to keep my eyes on the road. What was he talking about?

"What are you talking about?"

"Yea, the kid sees what he thinks is Santa but it's just his dad dressed up," Clare responded, which made this song, which I've probably heard hundreds of time throughout my life, take on a whole other meaning. Some kinky-ass shit, if you ask me, but it also means I've entirely missed the point of this song. "It's implied that the kid still believes in Santa, therefore he sees 'mommy' kissing Santa Claus..."

"But Santa isn't real, Katie, so it's just his dad."

I asked Catherine what she thought, and obviously I'm the only asshole still with the mind of a child :

me: so in the song 'i saw mommy kissing santa claus'
what's your impression of the premise

cg:umm little kid sneaks downstairs and sees "santa claus" (the father) and the mother getting frisky


cg:its quite disturbing

me:this whole time
i thought the mom was cheating on the dad with santa claus
this shit is bugging me out
i can't believe i missed it the entire time

cg:well thats what the kid thinks
but since santa isnt real we infer that it is dad dressed as santa

me: god damn't!

So if that's the case--who's really the Santa in "Christmas in Hollis"?

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I wonder if my writing has even improved?