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thought i was a donut, ya tried to glaze me


The Future

Even though I came into the event--the catching of the Bouquet-- only thinking about flowers, it's left me thinking about one thing ever since: my future wedding(s). On the subway today I started planning the whole thing and I wanted to share it all with you. I promise you'll all be invited!


The wedding will be in the middle of Central Park. No church wedding for me--sorry mom and dad! (I'll still take that complimentary check, though). After a very brief outdoor ceremony (read: no mass, just one or two sweet poems being read, and vows being quickly exhchanged), the guests are lead to a giant tent, where the cocktail hour and reception are to be held. There they are treated to many fine delicacies, as well as pizza from all over New York and a Mister Softee truck. They are treated to the musical stylings of Billy Joel, who mixes up his more popular tracks with some of that dumb classical shit he still insists on recording, for ambiance.

After my grand entrance on a polar bear driven sled, even in June, the reception begins. Everyone has a totally awesome time because they are all being treated to the musical stylings of Sting, Phil Collins, Eddie Vedder, and Stevie Wonder, who play a mix of their own songs, the songs of others, and my first wedding song, "Love Train" by The O'Jays.

The guests enjoy whatever they feel like eating that night, because there is a full-service short-order cook in place of the usual chicken or beef option. Fries and gravy--just like in a diner!--coming right up! After eating, the band takes a break and makes way for Stevie Winwood, who unveils a new song he wrote just for me and my husband, ___________.

After the cutting of the cake (a giant Fudgie the Whale dressed up in a tux), the guests dine at a 300 foot long Vienesse Table and order the cooks around some more. They better stock up on food, because once the party is over, the after-party begins!

Dead body coolers, filled with Bud Light and Magic Hat #9, are carried out to the four corners of the party. Then, after the band gets off, they are replaced by everyone's favorite robots:

Daft Punk are playing at my after-party! They spin all of their hits, perform "Digital Love" live, and also play everyone's favorite fist-pumping KTU-Pulse dance hits.

The after-party lasts for days, as the guests are sustained by their love of dancing, fun, diner food, and me. I honeymoon in the Maldives (like Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes!) and Tahiti.

We break up three months later. Something about life not being as fun as the wedding was.

1 comment:

Bridgid said...

Whoever marries you will undoubtedly fall for your crazy sense of humor and your mad MSPaint skills.

I wonder if my writing has even improved?