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thought i was a donut, ya tried to glaze me

10.27.2008

Shining Through

If this Election has done anything yet, it's shown what people are made of. I don't mean those actually running for office, I mean the regular schmucks like me who are just going to vote. It's getting people out to vote, hopefully, but it's also showing many people's true colors.

And it ain't pretty.

I had someone tell me--seriously--that Barack Obama went to the same "terrorist training school" that the 9/11 terrorists went to.

"Columbia?," I said, "Or Harvard."

"No," this girl said. "He went between high school and college."

Yeah, terrorist pre-college. A fucking prep school in Connecticut, right? Was Obama trying to play college ball and didn't have the grades or something?

What the fuck is wrong with people? I know they aren't usually this ignorant, and I think the election season allows them to display what they really (God help us) feel. Today, my friend Tara summed it up pretty well: "All this election serves as is a way to let people show how racist they really are."

And I've seen it, today with my neighbor who called me a self-hating white person, and with the countless other people who say to others, earnestly, "I could never vote for Obama. He's a [n-word]." This stuff is just relayed to me by other people (my friend's dad went out to a bar, and walked right into the middle of the above conversation). I don't know what I would do if someone used that sort of phrase with me. The thought of it upsets me so much that I'm afraid I would cry, making me look even more like some bleeding-heart liberal.

How'd He Do?

Today While Boxing I Imagined Punching...

-Frankie Beans, my neighbor, for calling me a "self-hating white person" for supporting Barack Obama. Then he made some bad racist jokes about Sammy Davis Jr.

10.26.2008

Boxing's Been Good To Me

I'm starting to box tomorrow. This is something I've wanted to do since I saw Million Dollar Baby. I never saw the end, though--what happens?

I hope I get strong and sweaty and skinny in time for summer. But mostly strong.

And while watching this week's Ugly Betty, I can't help but wonder what idea the rest of the country/world is getting about Queens girls from watching this show. Seriously, the 59th street bridge isn't some magical time machine that has everyone in the 718 dressing like it's 1993. We get Vogue out here, too. And aren't all so unaware of what's going on. Betty's own perceived clueless-ness regarding wardrobe and perception is used as a way to describe her character, showing that her beauty is more than skin-deep. But with Kimmy, played by LI-native Lindsay Lohan, it just looks silly. Honestly, a mini backpack?

10.25.2008

30 Rock

LIZ LEMON: "We may not be the best people--"

JACK DONAGHY: "But we're not the worst."

LIZ & JACK: "Grad students. Grad students are the worst."

10.23.2008

Fresh Face

www.katiehonan.tumblr.com

I always jump on blog bandwagons. This tumblr blog is an effort to make myself seem more professional as I start applying to grad schools for writin' and such. Don't worry, I'll still be posting here (sometimes). But I thought maybe admissions counselors wouldn't want to read about birthday parties.

10.22.2008

Dread Storm

St. John's Hosts Media Day At The Garden Today

Nobody thought to ask, "are you guys gonna not suck this year?"

Sometimes I Feel Like a Waste Of Life When I'm Not Working

"I don't know why you're wasting your time looking for a career right now. You're too young; you should be in grad school. You need to have some bullshit job, and live the easy life. You're already ahead of the game. Your only job is to be a professional student, and you're wasting my time having this conversation right now."

-Roseanne Gatto

Republicans Like The Name Joe

The following is old, written and passed around by some unknown force (I'll call it Internet; all credit is due to him). It's very apropos now, considering all this hooplah over Joes (and people who aren't even named Joe).

oe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first swallow of water, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought to ensure their safety and that they work as advertised.
All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance - now Joe gets it too.

He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.

In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.

Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the laws to stop industries from polluting our air.

He walks on the government-provided sidewalk to subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union.

If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.

It is noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.

Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime. Joe also forgets that his in addition to his federally subsidized student loans, he attended a state funded university.

Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards to go along with the tax-payer funded roads.

He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans.

The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification.

He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day. Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have."





In other e-mail news, I've read things thay say, to the effect, "If you're reading this, thank a teacher. If it's in English, thank a soldier."

Now I can understand where they're trying to go with this. Teachers teach you how to read, but it's the soldiers who secured (and continue to secure) our right to read it in "our" language.

But then, what about the first war in America? The one against the British? Let's say we lost that war; wouldn't we still be speaking English? I guess we wouldn't be a country then, and my ancestors would have remained on opposite sides of Europe, never to have met. I wouldn't even be born. Or maybe I'd be living some alternate life in Sicily or in Ireland, most likely farming (and eating delicious meals). Hm. Not a bad life.

And for the record, my mom taught me how to read.

And for those who print bumper stickers that say these trite sayings, here's my version:

"If You Can Read This, Thank Your Eye Doctor"

10.16.2008

10.12.2008

Friday Night

It was a long one. Liz and Auggie had their birthday party at the Bayview, $30 all you can. And like every other all-you-can parties I go to, I started it off responsibly.

"Maybe I won't pay the cover and just drink a beer or two."

That didn't work; everyone had to pay.

"Maybe I'll just stick to beer."

Right. I was drinking Red Bull & Gin by 11. That's the thing about these specials--with the feeling that you're drinking for free, you want to try all new kinds of drinks, crazy, fruity drinks mixed with bottom, bottom shelf liquor and a splash of something else.

By 1 I'm told I TRIED TO BREAKDANCE, failing miserably but getting right back up. I know I jumped around a lot because my legs hurt Saturday morning. At some point we left that bar and got in a cab and made our way--for whatever reason--to Roger's Irish House. Clare, who was drunker than I was, put her head down on the table; she was immediately asked to leave. Well, I was told to get her out. We walked home. Rockaway was quiet and it was cold; I wished I'd brought a jacket. I walked Clare halfway to her block before she insisted I just go home. I walked down my street from Newport (don't know why) and that's when I saw it.



A McCain-Palin-Sullivan lawn sign on my neighbors front lawn.

Rockaway's filled with these things. I think they're obnoxious (and racist!) and unnecessary (and ignorant!). Seeing them so close to my house made me angry; I stood in the middle of the street and stared at it for a while, contemplating what I could do.

I could rip it out. I could tear it up. I could perch myself up on a tree and throw rocks at it, kinda like how Sarah Palin encouraged people to shoot wolves from above (see how far I'm stretching to compare these things?). I wanted so badly to grab it and run, to head down to the beach and throw it in the ocean; then get on my bike and ride around my town and start doing a little domestic terrorism of my own.

But more than that, I wanted some pretzels. So I walked away and went into my house and ate some.

10.10.2008

inspiration

Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.

10.09.2008

get mavericky in there




"you can't call yourself a maverick if all you've ever been is a sidekick."
-Joe Biden

10.08.2008

What Steve Jobs Had In Mind

I stood last week next to two guys while waiting (FOREVER!) to be served in the Apple Store. This is an excerpt of their conversation.

DUDE 1: Yo. you ever fuck around with webcams?

DUDE 2: Whatya mean?

DUDE 1: Do you got one?

DUDE 2: Nah, I dunno, maybe.

DUDE 1: Son, my brother's got one. He calls me up the other day, tells me to turn mines on. He's callin' me from a hotel room, right? Two Japanese girls wit' em.

DUDE 2: Oh yea?

DUDE 1: Turn that webcam on and I see these two Japanese girls shaking them titties standing next to my brother. Shut that computer off right quick and got my ass to the hotel room!

DUDE 2: Word.

10.05.2008

Mi padre es estupido?

After eating at one of those mexican restaurants on Roosevelt before the Met game last week, and finishing his taco, my dad leaned back and exclaimed, "tambien!"

I thought about it.

"Also?" I asked.

"No. Very good!"

I wonder if my writing has even improved?