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thought i was a donut, ya tried to glaze me

6.29.2009

poet anne sexton to her 15 y/o daughter linda gray

april, 1969

Wed--2:45pm

Dear Linda,
I am in the middle of a flight to St. Louis to give a reading. I was reading a NEW YORKER story that made me think of my mother and all alone in the seat I whispered to her "I know, Mother, I know." And I thought of you--someday flying somewhere all alone and me dead perhaps and you wishing to speak to me.

And I want to speak back (Linda, maybe it won't be flying, maybe it will be in your own kitchen table drinking tea some afteroon when you are 40. Anytime)

1st I love you
2. You never let me down
3. I know. I was there once. I too, was 40 and with a dead mother who I needed still.

This is my message to the 40-year-old Linda. No matter what happens you were always my bobolink, my special Linda Gray. Life is not easy. It is awfully lonely. I know that. Now you too know it--wherever you are, Linda, talking to me. But I've had a good life--I wrote unhappy--but I lived to the hilt. You too, Linda--live to the HILT! To the top. I love you, 40-year-old Linda, and I love what you do, what you find, what you are!--Be your own woman. Belong to those you love. Talk to my poems, and talk to you heart--I'm in both; if you need me. I lied, Linda. I did love my mother and she loved me. She never held me but I miss her, so that I have to deny I ever loved her--or she me! Silly Anne! So there!

xoxo
mom

1 comment:

Fran said...

Katie, the poet had great advice for her 15 year old. It would be wonderful if all of us could look back on our lives at 40 and feel that we truly lived it according to our heart. Better still is living earlier and every day.

This would be my message toyou
Love MOM

I wonder if my writing has even improved?